Hi, I'm Sajjad.
This is my status page.

Friends call me SejiL. I keep computers running so other people can break them in exciting new ways. A résumé would list achievements. This lists incidents.

Components

Today's metrics

0coffees consumed today
0lines of YAML written (lifetime, est.)
97%of problems that were DNS
0browser tabs currently open

Reply latency

p50 minutes to answer a message, by hour of day
right now
SLO: reply before you forget you asked
Values past 120 min are capped. During sleep they are, technically, infinite.

Past incidents

resolvedFriday deploy went to production

Root cause: confidence. Fix: rolled back, apologised to the pager, wrote a rule. Status: rule ignored the following Friday.

monitoringCoffee machine returned 503

Brain entered read-only mode. Emails from this window should be treated as drafts written by a friendly stranger. Failover to tea succeeded at 60% capacity.

resolvedIt was DNS

Spent four hours ruling out everything except DNS. It was DNS. It is always DNS. A haiku has been added to the runbook.

scheduledSleep maintenance window

Window regularly overrun by "one more kubectl get pods". Duration under review. Review keeps getting postponed.

resolvedCloud bill arrived

Found 14 idle things nobody remembered creating, named test-final-v2-DONOTDELETE. Deleted them. Nobody noticed. That was the point.

Diagnostics

Type kubectl anywhere, or press `, for a real shell.
$ kubectl describe human sejil
Name:          sajjad (alias: SejiL)
Namespace:     earth
Labels:        role=devops  habitat=terminal  humor=dry
Image:         coffee:latest   # never pin, live dangerously
Status:        Running
Restarts:      1 (every morning)
Limits:
  patience:    high, unless you say "works on my machine"
  meetings:    2/day, then OOMKilled
Liveness:      http-get /snacks  every 90m
Tolerations:   yaml-indentation:NoSchedule  legacy-bash:PreferNot
Events:
  Warning  BackOff    asked "quick question?" at 17:59
  Normal   Pulled     fresh idea from the shower
  Normal   Scaled     side projects 3 → 7

On-call & chaos engineering

Page SejiL

Escalation policy is real. Responsiveness is not guaranteed.

Chaos monkey

Resilience is only proven by breaking things. Go on. It self-heals. Probably.

Hint: the Konami code also works.Hint: so does rm -rf / in the shell.